I came across this that I wrote in Feb of 2009. A LOT has changed in my life since I wrote this...but so good to know that I am still ME! All of these things are still so very true to me. I am glad I wrote this down almost 2 yrs ago. I look around so many times and see that the character, values and morals of people change with the times or crowds. I am proud to say - my core is pure and true.
1. Spring is my favorite season - I love the beginning it brings to so many beautiful things. I think planting bulbs in the fall is a sign of someone who thinks about things in advance. I think flowers make a home look happy.
2. I am not a big Halloween fan - I think its creepy & seems odd to go door to door asking for candy in the dark. I also hate to be scared - Haunted houses aren't my thing, cannot understand paying to end up terrified and fearful. I don't like the rush of fear in my body, I worry that it does damage to my heart that cannot be repaired.
3. I LOVE to read ~ have many books on my list - all categories and types - fiction, self help, non fiction, biographies, how to's, etc. I wish I had more hours in a day and needed less sleep so that I could get to them all quicker.
4. I miss having co-workers to run to lunch with or laugh about silly things that happen at work. Some of my greatest friends have been co-workers.
5. My greatest fear is loss. I can't bare the thought of losing someone close to me. I have lost some and still not over it.
6. I could eat tacos 3 times a week
7. I would love to entertain more in my home - friends and family are very important to me, I think we gather too infrequently. I think this would also push us to keep our house more picked up!!!
8. I overthink things. I analyze words. I look for agendas, hear intentions and sense insincerity. I try to not insult, confront, or be misinterpreted in anything I say. I am better at communicating in writing because it allows me to edit.
9. I love the smell of lemons. I would rather wear fragarance of fruits & sweet foods, than to smell like flowers.
10. My kids are growing up too fast. I miss seeing Kameron every day and hearing about his life on a regular basis, my time with connor is too short now that he is in school for the day and Katherine is almost 2!! I go to bed at night and wish I had more time with each of them that day.
11. I think my list of 25 things would be very different on a day that I was more energized. Some days I am more reflective, other days a little more goal oriented, then some days I am full of vigor and enthusiasm. Today is a low energy day.
12. I am a great organizer...I love new years because it is also the beginning of new things (like spring)...It is a starting over point and helps me to begin new projects and make new goals. I don't like to hesitate. I try to make decisions and move. I get frustrated when things are delayed because of indecisiveness or fear.
13. I am a worrier. I worry about people (especially family), schedules (like to know the plan in advance), details, interpretations, misunderstandings, feelings, time restraints, cleanliness & germs, the safetly and health of my kids, their developmental progress, their activities and how we are shaping their little lives and minds, I worry about my friends that are quiet or I havent heard from, my grandmother being lonely. I worry about people I see on the news that were victims of a crime, loss or tragedy. I worry about the underdog feeling defeated again and the teenager that is feeling alone, I worry about our future, our world and the ecomony. I worry about the layoffs affecting people I care about and so much more. I feel it all inside - some say its compassion, which I guess sounds better than worry.
14. I would love to own a boat - but not a big swimmer! Lakes are icky to me and the ocean is scarey. I don't enjoy swimming with anything other than people...like seaweed, fish, turtles or anything else around my toes. I am not a good swimmer and prefer to be in a pool where I can touch the bottom and just stand or wade.
15. A good tomato is like dessert to me!! But my dessert weakness is chips ahoy with m&m's.
16. I like to be behind the camera lens, rather than in front of it. But having family photos and candids are important to include all of us. Its too rare that we are all 6 together at once, so I treasure those pictures I have with everyone in them.
17. I am shy and a little insecure - but I love people...I a handful of close friends but always wish I had more close friends than aquaintances.
18. I don't share feelings openly but never assume that I don't feel deeply. I sometimes get so overwhelmed with emotion that its hard to breath. I think crying is used to manipulate too often and sometimes can be perceived as weak - so I avoid talking about things that hurt my heart. I don't like to look mushy or too sensitive, so I keep a lot inside. I feel, care and love much deeper than most - just not sure how to let you know it.
19. I can't stand watching the news and hearing stories that are horrific or sad that I can do nothing about. It is too frustrating to me to know such sadness, evil or hatred exists and all I can do about it is hurt.
20. I love the sound of words. It's amazing to me how a picture can be drawn with words. Some words are so descriptive that you only need a few, but I always use too many. Listening to certain people speak is entertaining to me.
21. I want my children to know me better than anyone. Most of the words I write in journals are for them.
22. I could be a life long student...but would constantly be changing my major...when I learn a little about something I find interesting I want to know everything I can about it. I like to be an expert, not to be the go-to person, but more so just to quench a thirst of my own.
23. I try to avoid people that are negative, whiney or complainers. I think gossip is a waste of energy. I believe that there are some people you just can't pull out of a funk and I believe that some people just need to decide to be happy.
24. I believe in teaching by example. I believe your actions definitely speak louder than words. I also encourage life lessons to be injected into everyday conversation with children to help them in life.
25. Kameron helped to make me who I am today, he was my inspiration and drive when I was too young or distracted to know where I should go. I believe that Kameron is truly one of the smartest people I will ever know. Connor is my entertainer - he makes me laugh, amuses me with stories and touches my heart with his love for friends & family. Katherine came at the perfect time - I needed peace and stillness, she calms me and slows me down. She was proof to me that God had faith in me and wasn't giving up on me. My children are my treasures...you can have everything I own but I would not trade a single moment with them for anything in this world.
Kelly
