Last night Kameron, called me. He was so excited to be at his first Dallas Mavericks basketball game!! He described where he was sitting, the team spirit wear he wore and watching Mark Cuban, the owner, shoot hoops before the game. Kam was impressed that he made every shot! I was glad that he finally got to go to a professional game, that boy has always loved sports, any sport. I use to be amazed at how many balls he had as a small child - football, basketball, soccer ball, baseball, playground balls, golf balls, nerf balls, and more and could play which ever sport went along with them!! Anything that required a ball, he excelled in. After the Mav's game he called and told me to turn on Channel 8 - they were waving in the crowd behind the sports caster. I love that on his special night, my son called me! I love that I was the one he wanted to share the fun with first. I am so proud of how close we have always been and how we continue to be - even though he is an adult and living on his own.
Kam and I really only had each other, I was a single mom, which wasn't easy but we had a great life! He was my world and I was his...we were best friends...playmates...and each others biggest fan! This closeness is awesome, but when it is time for the 'break', that eventually happens between a mother and child...it was VERY ROUGH! I remember when we went thru our worst times, I called my girl friend, V, and was in tears. She calmed my worries and said, "Every boy eventually breaks from his Mom, you and Kameron are closer than most and because your relationship is so strong that break will be uglier than most, it has to be in order for him to grow!" She also explained that this is a compliment to the people we are and the love we have for each other. (Those words from her were the last advice I received from my sweet friend before we lost her to cancer. I will never forget that conversation about my son with my best friend - it was probably the most important one I ever had.)
As a single mom, I had a tendency to put myself aside and to focus 100% on Kameron. His activities were my activities and that is how we both liked it. This created a large hole in me when our lives began to separate from each other. In the midst of all the emotion of our 'break', God gave me GRACE! He blessed me with my daughter, who I am convinced was proof that God thought I did okay and He trusted me with another little life. She helped me to be calm when I wanted to cry, to be busy when I wanted to be lazy and bummed. I have often told Kam that I believed that God gave me Connor (meaning "wise aide") and Katherine Grace ("pure blessing") because He knew that I would need them when Kameron no longer needed a "Mommy".
I am fortunate now, to have a wonderful husband that supports my decision to stay home and be a Mommy, I have time to devote more to myself and to my kids. I work hard to make sure that I am involved in the kids activities and have my own too. I learned a lot from my first child, sometimes I think I learned more from him than he learned from me. Today with my little kids, I make sure I do many of the things that I know I did right, while trying hard to do some things differently so that I don't make some of the same mistakes.
One of those things I do differently is that I am focused on my life too, not JUST the kid's lives. I think most of my activities are to make sure that when my babies are grown, I am not left empty with nothing of myself. They are just babies now, which I am so thankful for, I have time before they will be gone (which goes too fast), so I continue to try to find balance. I want to have friendships and things that give ME a life, but my family really IS my life. Without them, it's all empty.
I love having a family to come home to, to hug, to hear about their day and to celebrate their achievements, and to love and they do the same for me!! I love having a grown son that thinks of ME when he has great news, something fun to share or needs advice. I don't ever want anything to come before my family. There are only so many hrs in a day and in our life! I just need to make sure that whatever it is I am doing, I will be glad someday that I did that. Its a hard balance to find, and is one of those things that I continue to work on daily. (Now if I could just eliminate the stuff that eats my time that has no value - laundry for example!!) My hope is that I can have the closeness with all my children that I share with Kameron and that some of the hardships he suffered are prevented for the little ones. I pray all the time that I am doing the right things and that they will all be better people because of something I taught, shared or did.
In my life, I play many roles...a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife, a volunteer, a neighbor, etc. My most important role though is and will always be...Being a MOM!
Kameron's 1st Birthday 1990
4th of July 2007
Valentine's Day 2009Thank you Kameron for being my first child, my greatest teacher and my most wonderful friend.
I love you with all my heart. I am a better person because of you!!!
We played Blongo Ball in teams and when it got too dark to continue, we moved inside for a game of Apples to Apples. We played until midnight! I love time with my family - especially when it is unrushed and playful.
