sNOw Way!!

Texas has had some great snow this year!!  This week we are snowed in (mostly iced in) along with most of the rest of the country.  It's nice to slow down and sit for a while...being trapped hasn't been too bad for me.  I always have enjoyed my time at home...

Here are some fun photos I took of the kids during the early January snow we had.  Kids look a little like orphans as they are wearing hand-me-downs from older brothers, cousins and Mama.  Poor Texas kids....we just don't get enough of winter usually to justify the winter gear in each size as they grow.

Letting Go

My new part time job at The Container Store came at the PERFECT time.  As I am finding a lot of comfort in organizing my home, my life and my stuff.  This past year has been a project filled year...tackling one room or area at a time...to reclaim it (or me).

I am proud to say that most of the 'stuff' was easy to say goodbye too.  I have been in 'let it go' mode a lot lately...part of it is just a need for room to breathe and part of it (the bigger part) is that its good therapy to just 'let it go'.  I loved this book mark that Half Priced Books is giving out - it was as if it were made for me!!!

I am a HUGE saver - Most of the items I keep are MEMORY related.  I heard a professional organizer describe 'clutter' this way...

There are two kinds of clutter -

Memory clutter (holds you in the past)

I-May-Need-This-Later (planning for imagined futures)

Both take away from the PRESENT which is really the only thing we are guaranteed.  So I learned to MAKE memories always rather than holding on so tightly to memories of the past.  Life is ever evolving and changing.  It's so important that every day be filled to the brim with expressions of today's love, admiration and the making of new memories.  It is those memories that will carry you thru each day...not those of yesterday. 

A few items that I finally let go of....

 Bridal Shower cards from 10 years ago.

 A specific card because the signature of my dear friend Velena was on it. We lost her to cancer and it's been very hard to let go of this - but letting go of this did not at all lessen the memory of her.  In fact it made room for happier memories of her - instead of the negative feeling this had of a LAST writing from her.

 DEAD flowers - not at all smelling good...very dusty.

More dead flowers - dusty and dirty...but mostly DEAD.

There - done.

Now on to today!!! :)

2010 Our Year In Review

Click here to view this photo book larger

Lost but NEVER Forgotten

Today I am missing so many special people that I have lost. Some from illness, others from tragic unexpected accidents, some from life’s paths taking us different directions, some that I chose to walk away from in a self preservation effort and some that have walked away from me for reasons only they fully know. 


My heart hurts. I am not good with loss. I guess no one really is. I am not sure why some days it hits me so hard. Mostly it’s experiencing another loss that throws me back into the depths of sadness. Other days it can be a song playing unexpectedly that has some overwhelming extremely heartfelt memories in it. I go back to yesterday so quickly and wish I could just experience a few more moments with that special person.


VA – how I wish I could hear your laugh, see your smile and hug you. I loved your super charged energy and zest that made everyday an adventure. I miss you terribly.  Cancer sucks!


KL – your sweetness and acceptance was amazing to me. You truly treasured me and my son, it hurts that he never knew you. Cancer again, sucks!


KM – you helped me to hear the music in the music. You helped me to appreciate the simply life and sitting down to just be. You taught me that family ties are stronger than any other.


BB – your little life ended way too soon. My heart grieves over the dreams that you never lived out. I will never understand why God takes babies and children from their mothers.


MH– never fully understood the fade that happened and wish I had recovered from it very differently than I did. I wish we would have talked more about what was happening in our lives because I believe we would have been able to help each other.


JP– you challenged me and made me think. You never let me get away with any thought without consideration of why I had it. I loved the back and forth debating and banter.


BJ – For the lasting memories that I carry with me for the rest of my life. I look back on much of it with a bit of a blur – it came and went so quickly but lasted so long. How I wish I had at some point had really known you completely.  So much of YOU was edited out ahead of time.


TC – Growing up happened too fast for you, then there was loss. I often wish I could have been stronger for you or known how to better help. It's devestating to me that your decisions to avoid difficult situations have also taken you away from the treasures and rewards those challenges brought.


MB – My kids would have adored you. I am so proud of you – your strength, your character, your giving nature, your faith.


KC – to the child that grew up much too fast. I didn’t realize how quickly it was happening and wish I would have savored more.  I am sorry I took my eye off the ball for a while and lost focus and the closeness we once had. 


I hope each of you knows how very much I have loved you. Each of you have been significant to me and helped me to find myself in the whirlwind of life. I wish I had more time with you to show you that I was paying attention and learned from you.

Know Me By My Heart

I take pride in being an open book. I live my life as such that there are no secrets. I lay my good, bad and ugly out there for everyone to see. I sing my praises when things go well; I share my triumphs, tragedies and terrors. As a little girl, my outspoken disposition was sometimes considered unmannered or outrageous. My brother would be drop his jaw at the things I would say without a hesitation and my Mom would correct me for being so abrupt with a quick toned “Kelly Jo!!”

I have to say that over the years I learned to hold back my thoughts, feelings and concerns more – mostly due to a feeling that I was giving too much of myself to those around me (maybe to a few that didn't deserve such honesty). But as I continue to grow and age…I am starting to see that I respect honesty, openness, and communication in those around me much more than any other trait. I have been shocked recently by learning some ‘secrets’ that were kept hidden by someone closest to me..by either deception or omission, it doesn’t matter. I was not given the whole story, the whole truth, and the whole person. A gut wrenching ache has been speaking to me for quite some time. This intuitive spirit that I have, I believe, is God’s way of telling me to watch closely and protect myself.


I am sad that more people around me aren’t more forth coming with their history, their mistakes, and their downfalls. I find the flaws in the human spirit tender, enduring.  There is a realness in honesty that humbles the heart and can be a great source of strength. I believe that unless you can admit to wrongs - you will never learn from them or be better because of them. I believe anything hidden or kept in darkness will eventually shrivel up and die – secrets of the heart will do eventually cause your soul to die and your spirit to be weak. I worry so much that the key to many people’s hearts are thrown away and remain locked forever by the secrets they keep. 

I will always share what is on my heart. Not as an imposition or effort to be vain…but mostly because I love you and want you to know me by my heart. Please do the same for me.

25 Random Things About Me

I came across this that I wrote in Feb of 2009.  A LOT has changed in my life since I wrote this...but so good to know that I am still ME!  All of these things are still so very true to me.  I am glad I wrote this down almost 2 yrs ago.  I look around so many times and see that the character, values and morals of people change with the times or crowds.  I am proud to say - my core is pure and true.

1. Spring is my favorite season - I love the beginning it brings to so many beautiful things. I think planting bulbs in the fall is a sign of someone who thinks about things in advance. I think flowers make a home look happy.


2. I am not a big Halloween fan - I think its creepy & seems odd to go door to door asking for candy in the dark. I also hate to be scared - Haunted houses aren't my thing, cannot understand paying to end up terrified and fearful. I don't like the rush of fear in my body, I worry that it does damage to my heart that cannot be repaired.

3. I LOVE to read ~ have many books on my list - all categories and types - fiction, self help, non fiction, biographies, how to's, etc. I wish I had more hours in a day and needed less sleep so that I could get to them all quicker.
4. I miss having co-workers to run to lunch with or laugh about silly things that happen at work. Some of my greatest friends have been co-workers.

5. My greatest fear is loss. I can't bare the thought of losing someone close to me. I have lost some and still not over it.

6. I could eat tacos 3 times a week

7. I would love to entertain more in my home - friends and family are very important to me, I think we gather too infrequently. I think this would also push us to keep our house more picked up!!!

8. I overthink things. I analyze words. I look for agendas, hear intentions and sense insincerity. I try to not insult, confront, or be misinterpreted in anything I say. I am better at communicating in writing because it allows me to edit.

9. I love the smell of lemons. I would rather wear fragarance of fruits & sweet foods, than to smell like flowers.

10. My kids are growing up too fast. I miss seeing Kameron every day and hearing about his life on a regular basis, my time with connor is too short now that he is in school for the day and Katherine is almost 2!! I go to bed at night and wish I had more time with each of them that day.

11. I think my list of 25 things would be very different on a day that I was more energized. Some days I am more reflective, other days a little more goal oriented, then some days I am full of vigor and enthusiasm. Today is a low energy day.

12. I am a great organizer...I love new years because it is also the beginning of new things (like spring)...It is a starting over point and helps me to begin new projects and make new goals. I don't like to hesitate. I try to make decisions and move. I get frustrated when things are delayed because of indecisiveness or fear.

13. I am a worrier. I worry about people (especially family), schedules (like to know the plan in advance), details, interpretations, misunderstandings, feelings, time restraints, cleanliness & germs, the safetly and health of my kids, their developmental progress, their activities and how we are shaping their little lives and minds, I worry about my friends that are quiet or I havent heard from, my grandmother being lonely. I worry about people I see on the news that were victims of a crime, loss or tragedy. I worry about the underdog feeling defeated again and the teenager that is feeling alone, I worry about our future, our world and the ecomony. I worry about the layoffs affecting people I care about and so much more. I feel it all inside - some say its compassion, which I guess sounds better than worry.

14. I would love to own a boat - but not a big swimmer! Lakes are icky to me and the ocean is scarey. I don't enjoy swimming with anything other than people...like seaweed, fish, turtles or anything else around my toes. I am not a good swimmer and prefer to be in a pool where I can touch the bottom and just stand or wade.

15. A good tomato is like dessert to me!! But my dessert weakness is chips ahoy with m&m's.

16. I like to be behind the camera lens, rather than in front of it. But having family photos and candids are important to include all of us. Its too rare that we are all 6 together at once, so I treasure those pictures I have with everyone in them.

17. I am shy and a little insecure - but I love people...I a handful of close friends but always wish I had more close friends than aquaintances.

18. I don't share feelings openly but never assume that I don't feel deeply. I sometimes get so overwhelmed with emotion that its hard to breath. I think crying is used to manipulate too often and sometimes can be perceived as weak - so I avoid talking about things that hurt my heart. I don't like to look mushy or too sensitive, so I keep a lot inside. I feel, care and love much deeper than most - just not sure how to let you know it.

19. I can't stand watching the news and hearing stories that are horrific or sad that I can do nothing about. It is too frustrating to me to know such sadness, evil or hatred exists and all I can do about it is hurt.

20. I love the sound of words. It's amazing to me how a picture can be drawn with words. Some words are so descriptive that you only need a few, but I always use too many. Listening to certain people speak is entertaining to me.

21. I want my children to know me better than anyone. Most of the words I write in journals are for them.

22. I could be a life long student...but would constantly be changing my major...when I learn a little about something I find interesting I want to know everything I can about it. I like to be an expert, not to be the go-to person, but more so just to quench a thirst of my own.

23. I try to avoid people that are negative, whiney or complainers. I think gossip is a waste of energy. I believe that there are some people you just can't pull out of a funk and I believe that some people just need to decide to be happy.

24. I believe in teaching by example. I believe your actions definitely speak louder than words. I also encourage life lessons to be injected into everyday conversation with children to help them in life.

25. Kameron helped to make me who I am today, he was my inspiration and drive when I was too young or distracted to know where I should go. I believe that Kameron is truly one of the smartest people I will ever know. Connor is my entertainer - he makes me laugh, amuses me with stories and touches my heart with his love for friends & family. Katherine came at the perfect time - I needed peace and stillness, she calms me and slows me down. She was proof to me that God had faith in me and wasn't giving up on me. My children are my treasures...you can have everything I own but I would not trade a single moment with them for anything in this world.

Kelly

Recreating Myself

Taken from Grey's Anatomy season premiere.  I love this view - I recently had a similar conversation with my brother about the 7 year recreation theory.  Then this episode aired and said it perfectly!!

"Every cell in the human body regenerates, on average, every 7 yrs. Like snakes, in our own way, we shed our skin. Biologically we're brand new people. We may look the same, we probably do. The change isn't physically, at least not in most of us. But we're all changed completely, forever."

"When we say things like people don't change, it drives scientists crazy. Because change is literally the one constant in science. Energy, matter - its always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. Its the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting them be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication - that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change is up to us. It can feel like death, or it can feel like a 2nd chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips...it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment we can be born all over again."

Wow - isn't that exciting!!!