Higher Power?

This was written in April - When I joined an online Alanon (families of addicts) support group.  I desperately needed to connect and get some sense of 'serenity' and peace.  Having two small children made it difficult to attend meetings so I thought I would give it a try online.  The topic was 'Higher Power' (a generic term used to not turn anyone off - but the original 12 steps were founded on the Beattitudes and biblical scripture (which I learned recently thru another group - I will share later).  Here is my post...

Why is it that I only seek out God, when things are overwhelming? Rarely do I stop to even consider Him on an 'average' day. But when times are hard, emotions are high and energy is low... I plead for prayers from others. I guess I have been under the impression that I can handle average. I can't handle overwhelming. But why is it that I seek prayers rather than pray myself?? I considered this deeply recently.  When my son was in a psychiatric hospital suffering from drug induced psychosis and I was outside of the hospital losing my own mind. I felt so helpless and insignificant as I navigated through a very difficult situation and 'system'. I believed in God but always felt He was too intangible to really know, feel or trust. But this time He was ALL I knew that could make this better. I worried that my prayers alone could not express the urgency or importance of this need and being that I was already so 'insignificant' that it's quite possible the need would be clear but not heard. So I depended on others, I reached out to family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances and friends of friends. I requested prayers. I believed that out of a mass of prayers someone in there would be heard or simply the numerous requests for one person would create a stir that could not be ignored. People prayed, friends hugged, neighbors brought snacks, coworkers encouraged and I made it through.

I learned that the 'higher power' for me was actually in those I pleaded for prayers from. I'm hoping to eventually get to a place where I feel a 'relationship' and comfort from God himself and that he won't be so abstract to me. But until then I'm thankful to have found a power that is greater than me alone, for the time being, in the groups of people that love me and care for my family.