Kate Plus 8 - Love or Hate, I Relate!!

Kate Gosselin is back! Her TLC "Kate Plus Eight" premiered tonight. I have been looking forward to this day since the end of the previous show. I have always loved Kate. I know that is dangerous to say because she has such polarized views - people either love or hate her. So by proclaiming that I love her, I am setting myself up for the debate. It's okay though, Bobby and I used to have the debate on a regular basis. Bobby and I use to watch "Jon & Kate Plus 8" together and I could almost always identify with her. Her type A-organized-germaphobic-health conscious-routine & scheduled ways of being a MOM...I get it!! I understand what's going on in her mind as she is always avoiding the possibility of a meltdown, huge mess, sick kid and has to be one step ahead of everything. I also could relate to the fact that on top of managing all that, she was often pulling a laid back guy through it with her, but met with resistance most times. A quiet, easy-going man with no sense of urgency is a nice friend to have, but a hard partner when it comes to depending on someone to lead or help you meet the goal of the moment. Anyways, yes...of course Bobby probably was verbal about his STRONG dislike for Kate...because he related to Jon, and it's much safer to project bad onto her rather than talk with me about it.

Last May - Jon & Kate announced their separation and then their divorce proceedings...I was so hurt by this. I took it so personally...maybe because I saw us headed in very much the same path. Fortunately for Kate, she has the worlds greatest job...she gets paid to be a MOM. Her job is to do things with her kids and let people film it - another benefit of this is that she also gets to actively participate in each event as someone else documents and records it for her (most Moms are the photographers at the events and rarely in the photos!). She talked on camera about 'doing it all alone' from now on and how difficult that would be...she expressed (paraphrasing here) "I don't want it to turn into a sob story. It is going to be rough. But, if you are determined to see the good and the positive in any situation - it is there. I want it to be a whole new look at something I never thought I would be experiencing. It's not anything you go into happily. A new beginning - doing things that I once didn't think I knew how to do." When I heard her say that, it hit me. Wow - I have been there already. That describes my 13 years with Kameron as a single mom. I became amazing at doing things that I never thought I would need to know how to do. I surprised myself a lot and came through tough times with an amazing son & relationship with him that is absolutely one of the things I am most proud of.

Now obviously "Jon & Kate" was not what made me start thinking about the end of my own marriage...it was just interesting timing. I had for quite sometime been concerned personally here and wasn't seeing glimmers of hope much either. Fast forward to today...6 months after Bobby and I separated, I am watching re-runs of the last shows of the season and relating much more in retrospect than I even realized then. I am so happy to see Kate again doing what she loves, being a MOM!!! She again has the absolute best job on Earth. She struggles every day with trying to provide for her kids while still being there for them...what divorced, single or working mom doesn't. I am excited to see her overcome fears and trepidations of 'doing it alone' and watching her realize how strong she truly is inside.

I have been spending a LOT of time lately pre-grieving the end of my amazingly perfect Stay At Home Mommy job. After raising one child, on my own, at a very young age - I always looked at my little kids as my 2nd chance to do it completely focused. I have been honored to be a full time Mom!! I've taken my job very seriously and focused hard on stretching one county employee's income to keep this possible. I honestly had determined that I would not go back to work until my kids were in high school or college. It's very hard to accept that one person's disconnect can so drastically alter the future for 3 other people. This truly has been the hardest part of all the changes that ending a marriage means. Life, as my kids and I have known, it will change - and it's completely out of our hands. I am determined though to do whatever it takes so that I can continue being Mom first. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time challenging my thinking, exploring my loves, brainstorming and analyzing ways that I can do what I am naturally drawn and turn my passions into pay. I believe there is a way...I am still mapping it out.

Welcome back Kate. I am excited to watch you in your journey as I am on one of my own. I wish you the best and am praying for the same for us.