I WILL TRY TO FIX YOU

UPDATE FOR THOSE ASKING -

My son, Kameron, has been absent from our lives since a little before christmas - came christmas eve but short visit and it was 'off'.  He shut me out from then on.  I knew something was wrong and pleaded with him to connect with me, return my calls, text me, come see me, meet me for dinner - anything!!!  Finally this week he called.

THE CALL

6:00am - "Mom, I need you now!  I've needed you for a long time, but I really need you right now!!!"

I invited him to come right then.  He asked for help - wouldn't let me take him to treatment though - insisted he could do it alone.  By Wed he came back - to my Moms and agreed that he needed drug treatment.  He was shaken and scared because he was feeling suicidal...he was very manic and had some visions and pretty scarey stuff going on. 

PLEA FOR HELP

I drove him to a drug treatment center - but they too were concerned and said that they believed he needed an psych evaluation first...they sent us to the Emergency Room where we sat for 5 hours!!  The end result was only that they RELEASED him!!!  I begged them to help us - to refer him to a facility that would help...they sent us out.  I asked what we should do - she suggested an outpatient treatment group at 8:30am the next day.  I cried - what do we do until then?!?!  Our nurse then tells us - I am not sure, but he has been released so you can not stand in THIS room and discuss that...you need to leave right now!  Basically kicking us out!!!  Her name was VICKI, she is a TCU grad from Shreveport - I know all this because my son took a lot of time trying to get to know her some - asking about the spelling, where she went to school, where she was from when she first walked into the room - He was pretty sure she would help him and lit up in enthusiasm as he chatted it up with her!!!  Thanks VICKI. 

As we left I was in a panic about what to do.  He was ranting and yelling and screaming and I loaded him up in the car...almost in shock.  I called the treatment center we started at - believing if he was released after eval then they would take him now...but his ranting in the background only made things worse.  They told me they could not take him when they heard him yelling.  As I was talking and driving - Kameron tries to open the car door and talked about killing himself!  (Door has safety feature for kids - thank god!!) 

NOW ARE YOU LISTENING?!?  HE NEEDS HELP!!!

I did a u-turn right there in the middle of the road and hauled it back to ER as fast as possible.  I remembered two police cars out front and speed to them - jumped out and begged for help.  At last we saw compassion!!  Once the police had things under control I ran into the hospital and threw a massive screaming wild mom manic fit!!!  I was hysterical and made the biggest scene you can possibley imagine.  I YELLED "We came to you for help - asked for a phsyc evaluation to get my son help - YOU RELEASED HIM after making him sit and wait for FIVE HOURS...basically doing NOTHING!!!!  YOU RELEASED HIM!!!!  HE JUST ATTEMPTED TO JUMP OUT OF MY MOVING VEHICLE TO KILL HIMSELF AND IS OUTSIDE in handcuffs with POLICE!!!  WILL YOU PLEEEEASE HELP HIM NOW!!!"   I was then told to get back to the front triage and reregister him to be seen again!  I was so defeated and turned to walk away but then froze.  I turned around again and scanned the crowd of nurses, patients, family members, volunteers and other staff...I was hoping someone would look at me and that I could make eye contact.  No one was looking - they had gone back to whatever it was they were doing before I came back in.  I stood there - STUCK.  Stunned and in fear.  I could NOT let him down, he asked me to help him and now I needed help!!!  a beautiful lady caught my eye - a black woman that I remembered from when we entered 5 hours earlier.  She saw me paralyzed with a panicked look on my face, as I collapsed with tears.  She said, "Honey, what is wrong?"  I just turned to her and melted into her, "I NEED HELP!!!!!!!"  She put her arm around me and walked out with me to join the police, my sobbing mother and my cuffed son.

COMPASSION

At last someone helped us!  At last we saw compassion...at last something was going to happen.  The police put him under a Mental Warrant which means he is a danger to himself and they can order the hosp to observe, assess and keep him safe for 72 hours while they attempt to stabilize him.  So now no one could refuse treating him!!!  They left and took him down to another hospital and got him admitted into Mental Unit ER...there he was given meds to calm him and to treat some of the manic and psychiosis.  The officer assured me that he would make sure Kameron received some help tonight and would be safe.  Officer BJ Bowen - you are my angel.

ADVOCATING, FIGHTING AND PROTECTING

Unfortunately they took him to a place thats 2 hours from me...so I did not get to see him until I received a doctor update (which was nearly impossible to get because he is an adult and laws require he has to give permission...communicating with nurses in this environment is difficult too - when by phone calls only)  But I felt very good that I had done EVERYTHING I could to get him into a place to keep him safe.  In the meantime I have called original treatment center back, called a drug counselor, called the police officer to give him my insignificant thanks for saving my son's life...I have worked a 5 hour shift in a daze (because my employeer allowed me to stay because I insisted I NEEDED the distraction as I waited for 72 hours to pass)  I took back control of Kam's apartment - clearing out the drugs, the people and taking items of value for safe keeping until I can get the rest of it.  I have moved his car to a safe location. Talked to management there about ending his lease.  I have washed loads of clothes for him, packed a small bag for him to have in the facility including fresh clothing, a new toothbrush, toothpaste and chapstick.  I have received nasty mean text messages from the 'girlfriend' about how I am doing the wrong thing - deleted text messages to prevent me from lashing out back at her...knelt down to pray that he will truly be done with this...I have followed up with nurses, requested calls from social services, dealt with insurance, reviewed old text messages to get an idea of exactly what was going on, made notes, and researched medicines he is now receiving, called creditors and tried to also take care of my little ones.  ((not such a great job on that :( - Luckily their Daddy is there for them and I am working on getting more support for them while I am navigating thru the mountains of items I need to tend to))

I am mostly doing all I can do to move forward and to avoid getting stuck again - this time in a grieving mode.  I am scared and powered by fear at this point but mostly its a determination to get MY Kameron back!!  He's amazing - here are some of my favorite pictures over the past 5 years.

 Praying for you Kameron.  Breath Honey!  Rest your worries and lay them at the feet of Jesus.  Put your life in Gods hands and He will deliver you far from the dangers and fears you have today.  I love you with all my heart and am so very proud of you for knowing it was time...for calling out to family and for fighting for YOU!!  Words can not begin to express how very much you mean to me, how much you add to my life and how thankful I am for every second of your life. 

FRIDAY 3/4 UPDATE

There have been some new issues over the past couple days.  The doctors have admitted Kameron into their inpatient facility and moved him from the Emergency observation area.  They have not been able to stabilize him but the 72 hour period is over tomorrow.  So they have also obtained an ORDER OF PROTECTIVE CUSTODY - which basically means they took away his right to his own decision on if he stays or goes.  This is alright because he needs to be there but unfortunately it also means a loss in say on moving him to a facility closer to family.  There is a hearing on Thursday to determine what will take place at that point - it is possible if they believe he needs further care that they will fight to send him to a state facility!  (Yes this is my absolute night mare - imagine going to a county doctor or free clinic versus chosing you own physicians office...not to mention EVEN further from home and I fear most of all that these are more mental instutitions that basically house people they have no idea what to do with!!)  My son has insurance and I would sell my house if it was what he needed...so there is no reason to go that route at all. 

I am so thankful for my job at The Container Store - this place really is THE BEST PLACE TO WORK.  The part time employee benefit package is only part of it - but today I am most thankful for the Legal Assistance benefit!!!  I called and put in a request for the legal services and am awaiting a callback on Monday - I am hoping to get representation for my son and to also find out what I can do to be appointed legal guardian or to receive a durable power of attorney for his care...so that I can make the decisions for him and not a state agency.

I visited him tonight very briefly and he is so far away in his own mind - I can in no way even begin to describe the agony I am feeling.

I am planning to camp out at that place UNTIL I get to talk with the doctor.  I am going to do what I can legally to make sure he is close to home and surrounded by family...and to be there for him to sit with him and talk with him too.  I am hoping to get an inexpensive room near the court Wed night to be there Thur morning - I live almost 2 hours away and I would absolutely not want to risk missing the hearing for traffic. 

I am so blessed that he came to me in his hour of greatest need.  I am so thankful that I answered at that early hour and so very thankful that my Mom was close and involved every step of the way too.  I am proud that I am fighting for him and that in the end I believe he will be safe and will be back to MY Kameron that I have been missing for so long.

Dear God - please provide stability for Kameron so that he can begin healing and treatment.  Help him to not feel alone but instead to know that he is loved and that YOU are with him always.  Please help him to be strong and patient...help me to make the right moves and decisions that will return the greatest recovery and best treatment for him.
Thank you for my amazing son, please keep him safe and help him to be well.